i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
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it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
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They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize