i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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