Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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