Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
