When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
