Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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