it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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