Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize