you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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