If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
