Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
