Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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