in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
