I'm going to jail i love you
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
