I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
