the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
