he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
