Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
