we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I love having hate sex.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
