omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
