The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize