If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
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I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
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I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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