Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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