i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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