you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
