i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
