"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
