dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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