my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
