i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
