I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
