she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
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i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
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I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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