Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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