ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
