Just mADE A PArabola og urine
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
