CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
