He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
