going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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