I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
as a side note pls kill me
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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