I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Randomize
