And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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