all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
