Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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