I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
