I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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