Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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