Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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