I am spending my child support on dildos
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
