Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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