hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
The adults are the big ones right?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
