We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
