Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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