we have officially lost it.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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