i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
