Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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