I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
