I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
