me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
