i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
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