i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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