One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
