My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
