my soul wont recognize me after tonight
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
