ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
