a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
