I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
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Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
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I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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