My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
