I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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