I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
