Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
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You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
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Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
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