The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Two words: nipple clamps
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