I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
