I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
