how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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