hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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